Daddy Paranoia

Dad: D are you okay?

D: (throwing up in a plastic bag in the back seat, pausing) eerrmmm *hurl*

Dad: Are you pregnant?

D: (Momentarily stops to look at her father) what?! *hurl*

Dad: Are you pregnant?

Mum: (From the co-driver seat) leave her alone dear.

Dad: No. I want an answer!

D: (pauses as she pants) car-sick.

Dad: You never get car-sick!

D: The chocolate croissant and mocha- *hurls*

Dad: (Raises voice slightly) Are you lying to me?

Mum: Dear….

Dad: No!

D: (pauses) milkshake.

Dad: What?

D: Dad I am not pregnant. Jesus came once already.

Dad: Oh.

D: I need a chemist *hurls*

Dad: I knew it!!! You-

Mum: (shouts) To buy tampons!

Silence

Chris: Ew!!

Charlie: Mum we didn’t need to know this about our big sister.

Silence

*hurl*

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Start-stop

It is all vanity.

Chasing after what you desire in life, getting it, putting it aside and on to the next one.

It is pretty pointless.

Letting an abundance of possibilities present skits in your mind and finding peace or worry in the will-not-happen.

It is senseless.

Pouring your heart to those you feel are important and equally leeching from them with the hope of satisfaction and wholeness that you will never attain.

It is chasing wind.

Thinking you have your life all figured out until death demons orchestrate lifeless bodies and bodies with less life for their entertainment with lyrics saying ‘they had plans too!’ echoing in the background.

It is absurd.

To think that perfection of self is attainable by attaining self gratifying things and qualities to increase your self worth all the while beginning all your sentences with ‘ I feel, think, want, need, I… I… I’.

It is life.

To wonder what the point of it is when the point is so obvious.

It’s not about you.

Village Christmas tales: Superwoman

Two things are true.

One is that this post might get me banned from my friend’s life and two, this is the scariest funniest memory I have.

I am not sure what time of the year it was (this would make for a nice Christmas memory) but my parents had packed my elder brother and I into a matatu with one of my dad’s sisters and sent us off to the village to spend time with our grandparents. Of course it was always a new experience because there was always a challenge to face, the constant ones being the fierce bite of safari ants, ticks lodging into our skins and the art of using the pit latrine without losing a shoe or slipper.

It would be false to say I always had fun. Being there for two weeks would get boring very fast especially because there was no one our age to play with at the time.

So when superwoman and her brother (bear with me) came to visit us at our grandparents, my brother and I were overjoyed. I am two years older than superwoman and her brother is a year older than I am and my brother is two years older than him. I am not sure why that confusing detail is relevant. At 6 or 7, your roles are pretty clear cut. Girls stay home and play house while the guys go out to adventure.

I do not remember what happened before this incident, but given that we were getting back into the homestead, I can only assume we were from playing at the swings in the local Catholic Church. The area my grandparents live resemble an excavation site; the land slopes from the main road and after ten meters or so, there is a small cliff, creating almost an earth wall on one side of the homestead. The house is then on a flat part of the land before it drops again to the shamba, where the land slants to a valley before sloping up again. Almost like a gully design of sorts.

For this reason cars were usually left by the road.

It was imperative that one takes great care when coming down the sloping path into the homestead. There was a curve on the path and if you dared walk down at night without a light, you would fall about two meters to the ground below. Nothing would be broken but it would surely hurt.

It was broad daylight when this happened.

Superwoman was rather excited about something and she ran down the path. Instead of taking the curve on the path she missed it and ran straight. Before we knew it, she was sailing through the air for about a meter before landing heavily on the ground. She bounced and skidded to a halt near a cow’s trough.

Superwoman

You can imagine the grazes she had on her face, arms and legs. Oh and the power of her lungs was felt!

I have never seen a human, to this day, fly the way she did.

Have a Fly Christmas, won’t you?

 

My Editor

This is long overdue but I would like to say thank you to my editor. He is responsible for most, if not all of the typo-free posts you have read for the past few months.

John (who calls you that??!) Muchura I want to say thanks for all the times  you have allowed yourself to be dragged out of bed by a pending story, your infallible, loving criticism and always cheering me on.

You are a good friend. I will pay you one day, when I am famous 😀

muchura

 

Former Glory

A candle was lit in a dark room.

The flame danced to the breeze as the wax slid down

like the tears on her cheeks,

gathering at the base of the stable golden coin

gradually hidden in the delicate ruffles.

All marveled at the soft golden-yellow glow.

No one trimmed the wick, so fire consumed lavender,

attacking those close;

at first sweetly but soon they had to push away. 

When the candle was no more, the wax now hardened,

light, scent and beauty gone…

They forgot about the golden coin trapped

between the table and the wax.

Coffee Series: The business of minding our own business

I was watching Jerseylisious earlier (for those who have not watched this reality show, it is basically about these group of friends and foes working in hair and makeup salons) and the drama was as fierce as it was when I last watched it… probably a year ago.

There is a lot of gossip and backstabbing going on and as my mother observed (she was kind enough to let me finish watching the episode before changing to something more… soul filling), the cycle is always the same. A person says something to someone about another person that is not so nice and this someone tells it to the subject of conversation so when ‘a person’ and ‘another person’ meet they end up in a cat fight. Then ‘someone’ will butt in and just create more problems.

So the lesson I took away from this show that I will probably not watch for another year, if ever, is that shutting up is key. Fine, a person can come and tell you something bad or even private about ‘another person’ but as the ‘someone’ in this equation, just keep it to yourself. Nodding is nice. Don’t say anything and if you really have to, make sure what you say is constructive: ‘maybe if you were in their shoes…’ or ‘yea that was nasty of her but judging her is maybe not the way to go…’ Basically say something that even when repeated to the public it will not bring blame or shame to you.

Plus it means less animosity and cat fights in your life.

This is of course addressing females and males with this female-like tendency.

Another thing I took away from Jerseylicious (I know, this notion is rather amusing to me too) was I am not alone in this ‘thanks-but-no-thanks-I-really-wanna-be-alone phase. This year I have had enough… not drama? But just… enough of that relationship scene. I literally have no energy now that the last of it was depleted recently. My favourite person and in my opinion the sanest and most reasonable person in the entire show, Olivia, had a thing going on with this guy that was not defined but she put an end to it to be able to focus on herself. And she was really happy with where she was.

I am not alone! \o/

If my dad happens to read this, after a mini heart attack he will probably be happy. VERY happy.

That said, I am not having coffee but nettle with honey and lemon to fight off a looming cold. Ew. And neem must be the nastiest tasting thing on this planet. I console myself by saying everything that God made was good, not sweet.

 

 

Cheers.

 

 

PS: Just walked away from Tusker Project Fame on telly. Someone tell these people not everyone is bought in by the sex theme they are imposing on viewers.

 

Nature

I have taken up walking, not to clear my mind because that concept is elusive to me, but simply to enjoy what is left of nature in our neighborhood. And for fitness purposes of course. I was happy to have seen the stream below. Last time I was in that location there were reeds and other water plants obscuring my view and all I could hear was water somewhat rushing.

2013-11-21 17.51.56 2013-11-21 17.49.08 2013-11-21 17.52.16 2013-11-21 17.51.31 2013-11-21 17.49.59 2013-11-21 17.50.41

I also got to go to Karura forest and here are the pics I took.

Karura Forest Photos DSC04857 DSC04859 DSC04861 DSC04872 DSC04875 DSC04887 DSC04891 DSC04803 DSC04810 DSC04847

That is all for now!

Cheers!