Death of Me

Melvin:                Woman do not try me! Bend over!

Candy:                *whining* I can’t go any further! My knees hurt  and I will tip over if I move-

Melvin:                    Hold still! I am about to-

Candy:                That is what you said five minutes ago! I am no longer young!

Melvin:               Almost… *lets out a huge sigh of relief* done!

Candy:               *collapses onto the ground* I can’t believe this is happening in our garden.


Ten minutes before


Candy:               We need to move it.

Melvin:                  You think?

Candy:               Don’t be sassy with me! This is not my fault!

Melvin:                  Well if you hadn’t let him in…

Candy:               How was I meant to know that he would turn psycho?! And you uncaring husband! He tore at my dress! And look! *lifts up dress almost to her crotch* and the marks on my thighs!

Melvin:               Hey! He is dead! Woman what the hell is your problem! I killed him, didn’t I?!

Candy:              Yes *voice fading* and screamed like a girl while you are at it…

Melvin:                *with a raised voice* WOMAN! Don’t you be trying my patience this early in the morning!


Five minute before


Candy:                 We could have put him in a trash bag and dumped him. I swear he will rot and smell!

Melvin:                 That ratchet diplomat would have known it was us.

Candy:                 *grumbling* what is the worst that she could have done?

Melvin:                 Sue us for our entire net worth perhaps?!

Candy:                 *Sighs* Fine. He was adorable though…

Melvin:                    Shut up and lower him down. *more to himself* I just hope that four feet under is far enough.

Candy:                 So rude *lowering the creature*

Melvin:                 Mary mother of-! What kind of knot is that?! How in the world am I meant to untie that!

Candy:                *yelling* Then you should have done it yourself! And this rope isn’t long enough!

Melvin:                  Because of your stupid way of tying knots!

Candy:               Can’t I just let go of the rope?

Melvin:                  Then how will I get back out?

Candy:               *grinning* What was that? I should let go?