I would join an Alcohol Anonymous group just because I would think them to be more truthful than the people I interact with every day. There I would find humanity in its frailty and failing state but also the beauty and the triumph, or something in between. I would be able to tell them that though I am not an alcoholic, I understand their weakness and that I too face this temptation. I would leave out the part where every time I feel I need a drink my stomach tightens in protest- that’s the organ affected most. I mean, I don’t want to look stronger than them or make anyone feel bad- there would probably be someone who only stopped drinking because the doc told them they either quit alcohol or die of a stomach ulcer.
Still, I would sit and listen and breathe and ponder and know and be at peace. I write and reveal and conceal because I carve truth but too scared of the consequences. I want you to know it is okay to be you, frail, failing, broken but beautiful. I want you to be okay with this because if you can’t be I won’t be bold enough to be.
I have noticed that this is a struggle for many only because my friends will not reach out and pour out the pearls and flowers or frogs and serpents from their great within to me to behold and console. I can’t blame them because I don’t reach out either.
Where do you go when your hearts bleeds and meditation doesn’t work because your thoughts are ever swirling in your membrane and self-discipline is but a textbook term? Who do you reach out to when you quite haven’t figured out the function of Friend in Christ or Abba Father in God or Comforter in Spirit? What do you do when you can’t have a drink to forget and your work load isn’t big enough to drown in?
Some people seem to be talented in shrugging it off. I have never been quite the hider for I wear my emotions on my sleeve. My heart? She moved out and didn’t leave a forwarding address hehehe! Fret not, I have an ability to love and take a bunch of baloney with it as a lot of people do but what I do want to know is, how do you love a world that seems to be on a mission to harm you?
So, where does one turn, is my question.
Where does one turn?
And no, I don’t do weed.
I know where I should be turning to, but in the meantime, where’s that spot I need to be?
After thought: Maybe two shots won’t hurt 😀
After after thought: Maybe I’ll just speak in a strange tongue instead…