Less bee real…

The realest version of me is with only three people but to protect them and me I will not disclose them. Plus one is coming up. Everyone likes keeping their treasure unknown.

What I do know however is that my mother, who is the SI unit of morality in my life, would not approve necessarily, of my choices of true friends. And why, because I am hard wired to explain myself, this is because I am not the type of Christian you think I am. I am the type that chills with people who are raw and real and flawed and imperfect and who have babies out of wedlock and like too much weed because that is the struggle people do not want to touch- the truth that is human in a fallen word that seeks God.

I do not do all these things but for me I can get why Jesus let a whore wash his feet. But I am not perfect. Of course.

What I have come to see is there is a serious disparity with being like Christ and being a Christian which is meant to be like Christ buuuuut it’s not. My pastor is awesome. I want to get to where he is with God but HIS ministry is HIS ministry and I have my own. What is it?

Staaaay tuned!



Oh! Cool, I am in the right career

So I like my things a certain way and this is a problem for many people because if you do not do what I want, I will, you know, not like it. Will I always show it? No, well, maybe. But let’s bookmark this train of thought.

I have always said to people during small talk I have no idea what I am doing in Public Relations (PR) as I do not like humans. Let this alien expound; people drain me. Not in a bad way, but when I spend a few to many hours with others in one space, I end up feeling suffocated. I will get grouchy if I can’t  get away and shut down all together so I simply slip away long enough to fill me up with… energy, then join your fellow humans.

This Filipino has looked at me for typing (no one else is) and my train of thought has vanished. Argh!

Ah yes!

Why I am in PR.

I have a ‘bitch resting face’, and yes, that is the official term for people like us who look pissed off with life even when we are not. That is our default look. And the- OMG. Life lesson right here. I’ll explain it later. SO! I have been in this workshop for two weeks now and I am a strong believer of ‘do it yourself’. You know those people who just send you on errands not because they need help but because they have seen a slave? I HATE THAT THING! OH MY GOODNESS! SOMEONE GRAB THIS KNIFE FROM ME! 😀

However, I have learned to smile through it all and not catch feelings, because once those a caught, they have a party on my face. And so I have smiled, and called people ‘my dear’ and smiled some more, and said thank you, and said, ‘don’t worry, I will take care of it’ and the works. At first it was fake because I always feel more inclined to tell people, ‘Well, if you had done your job…’ and ‘I will do it myself next time’, but with time I grew to actually mean what I say.

Now you need this stuff in PR because people are otherwise not going to like you or do anything for you. And you also don’t want to be a bother. I could go on, but point is, these two weeks were to expand my ‘taking crap’ threshold because honestly, people have been taking mine (but of course on a smaller scale because I am awesome, and it is never my fault :D). It only makes sense, give and take.

So yea… PR is beginning to make sense. But I still can’t stand people for more than a few hours. I need space and me time, and lots of it.

Oh, one more thing- when you fake the smile and the remarks above it shows because it reflects in your eyes, so it’s not really a behavior change but rather an attitude change.

I am exhausted but glad I learnt something!

Cheers people.

Change your petty ways

Written on 5/6/15

You know you need to take leave when Oh Maria from Sister Act 1 makes you want to cry.

Gosh that song spoke to my SOUL!!! Okay not the words per say but the whole feel of the song, I mean… my goodness! I have distant balancing tears! Oh that choir… And now they want to do a remake? Pepo hao…

That said… I have been having one of those weeks where what you do is so mundane and repetitive… at 9:30am today I’ve only had 3 emails and I am so happy I could weep. It now officially feels like a Friday where I have done my part and I can check out of the office at 2pm and bounce my way to the stage with a grin on my face not caring that it sometimes takes 20 minutes to get a matutu… BUT WHO CARES! It’s Friday!

downloadThat said I came to realize that I am not as badly off as I thought I was and that I am also worse off than I thought! It is very easy to talk about the good, even when being modest, but talking about what you are crap at is quite something else.

Following the above update, I realized that I am very petty! This of course stems from a childhood where being the only girl, my stuff was my stuff and no relative had a right to touch my stuff. Nowadays this is different because when a cousin is visiting and they go, ‘Can you please lend my clothes to sleep in and a top for tomorrow?’ I give them the ‘Why the hell are you even asking?!’ look and proceed to open the closet door for them to go fishing.

Now though I am happy about this particular achievement it is not so much the same at work. My attitude has been justified time and time again but I knew I was being a moron when my colleague said, ‘Maureen hata wewe una issues’ after calling out another colleague for changing the font on a document I know won’t fly with most people. I am in communications, I have done this before, you have not, so leave it to me!

imagesBut this attitude is rotten actually. It’s good to be humble about what we do and what we are supposedly good at and my rant did not reveal the font-changer’s character but rather mine. I am even pettier than he is!

Now the dull pain in my chest is asking to be drown out with a glass of white dry wine but I shall choose to believe that the grace of God over my life is sufficient.

Now smack your neighbor and tell them ’AMEN!’

Oh wait. It was heartburn…. Khai and ati I have carried pilau for lunch.

But again the grace of the Lord…? Good, you catch on fast!

So that is it. Basically. My question to you is, are you 1) doing your job well and 2) are you a pain about being ‘good’ at your job?

Think about it.


*Images from Google