Those Girls

Those girls…

First, I am aware of all sorts of quotes and logic about how we ladies are cut from the same cloth and we behave the same and are nags and difficult and easy at the same time, and such like things, because we, ladies, also say (with less enthusiasm nowadays) that all men are beasts! I get that line of thought but for real, call me ‘those girls’ one more time and there shall be a serious problem between you and I mister.

I am unique, just like every other person, but not quite so because I do me, not like mum did, not like your mother did, not like that female with a bleached hair and red lipstick and not like that pretty female in church always looking so well put together in her skin tight dresses, or that other female who genuinely gives zero poos about what she looks like. I am like none of those. I am me. So when you start a sentence with, ‘Ladies like you…’ That just irritates me to the most central point of my soul.

People are a sum total of so many things and, in my view, personality, environment and life experiences play a large part. And faith as well, but this is not that post. Based just on experiences, the combination of factors that make me do a certain thing are not the same combination of factors that would lead another woman to do this very thing I do. A woman might detest men because of an overbearing father, another because of abandonment issues. So this lazy branding of people without taking the time to know who they are is the reason why talking to some people has become an act of charity, not even a chore.

Before I go further, I am sure there is a person or another I have branded and grouped- and I am sorry. But in my defense (character flaw!) it was probably in reference to a good thing, like ‘in those glasses you just look like your life is well put together’ or ‘with that lipstick you look like those chicks I admire in tao’ or ‘your accent, you must be those people who went to good schools!’ And not, ‘you are talking to me like those thirsty mjengo men who leer and whistle at women walking past’. Okay that last one is different but you catch my drift.



So don’t tell me ‘gals your age…’ My goodness!! What do you know about girls- how rude- ladies my age? What do you know about the pressure we go through? Just because the last she was down to jav across town to get drunk with you, spend the night at your place and jav back to her parent’s place in the mid-morning sun and a life altering hangover does not mean a she like me would want to do that! Gauge and learn a female before you spew some things bro! I am all for YOLO! Quite literally too, so I better cultivate some self-respect early in life if I am to hold my head up in my old age!

Ati ‘you will have crazy stories for your grand kids!’ of what? A foolish grandmother with loose character? No thank you.

So this copy & paste crap men pull on us makes me tired of being ‘alive and laboring’ in this planet. This is a conversation recently had at a shop I’d gone to exchange a faulty cable purchase previously.

Man 1:                  Are you in campus?

Me:                        No. (looks back at phone and acts super busy)

10 minutes later…

Me:                        How long will it take that other lady to bring me a new cable?

Man 2:                  She will come soon, maybe 5, 10, 15 minutes.

Me:                       Heh! Sawa.

Man 2:                  Why?

Me:                        I am tired and want to go home.

Man 2:                 Si you just wait we go home together.

Insert a line or two of nonsense

Me:                        Heh! (Puts and pushes plug earphones closer to eardrums.)


Someone! Tell me! Has this ever worked on anyone that it would work on me?!

I’m done.



Dear Oxen…

I posted an updated on Facebook about how Christians interpret ‘do not be unequally yoked’ scripture to mean we can’t interact with and reach non-Christians. Of course we shouldn’t do, speak and have the same attitudes as they do but we can be with them and enjoy their company and as the Spirit leads, plant a seed.

That is on the other end.

What I am learning that even within the Christian family there are people you should not be yoked with.



Because of my struggles (gosh that sounds dramatic!) and things I still like, there are some Christians who really should NOT be yoked with me. I like a good glass of chilled white dry wine after a particularly hard day in my room telling Jesus how frustrated I am with X, Y and Z and then toast Him when He tells me something profound. I also like hanging out with friends in a chilled environment (anything more than 30 minutes in a club has become torture, khai!) and having life conversations that actually grow and open your mind while taking whisky.

See now, this type of thing raises eyebrows and makes its way to the pulpit where the Pharisee pastors beat you down for walking in the flesh while fellow Christians amen and give you dirty glances.

Honestly, I’d be that chick at the wedding giggling after her first glass of wine asking my girlfriend who this Jesus of Nazareth was and what sorcery He had used to make such good wine. And hiccup right after.

Just saying.

That is just an obvious example of something I do and if that offends you I am all up for you shutting me out as someone not to be yoked with. Also if you feel that I would probably influence you wrongly and have your mother call be bad company then by all means, let’s keep to being acquaintances.

Now to the other side!

Yoke, according to Google, is ‘a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plow or cart that they are to pull.’ And this I guess is because two heads are better than one. If one ox wakes up in the morning and is feeling super grouchy (work with me here) and does not want to help pull the plow or cart, this other ox will have a hard time trying to pull it by itself and eventually end up going nowhere yet feeling tired and beaten up.

That is the same thing when people have two completely different mindsets- they will not be able to move forward together in the same direction and they both end up tired and frustrated. The beauty with being like Christ (note that I did not say ‘being a Christian’) is that if you and your friend/partner think like Him, you will move in a singular direction. If one is more like Christ than the other, they will sometimes find themselves pulling and pushing to go in a direction that is and is not Spirit lead. If both are not Spirit led, they will pull in different directions, each governed by their own perception of life. Still talking about Christians in this last example mark you.

Because we are humans pulling in different directions, even though both are Spirit led, is ‘normal’ but it requires stopping, seeking God’s will and consulting with your friend/partner and then moving forward pamoja.

This may be a sermon to you but I am preaching to myself here! 😀

I am in that place with plenty of people in my life, including the folks. There is a lot of pulling in opposing directions going on and the key to stop this (before someone gets hurt or strangled, the yoke breaks and people stroll off forgetting the plow or cart/ purpose behind), is to COMMUNICATE.

So I am a talker. I like talking things out. I like figuring things out and finding mutual solutions to issues because I feel grudges weigh me down. Do I want to talk all the time? No, sometimes I will just go quiet and only talk unless spoken to (this I have learnt SOMETIMES gets me candy or chocolate from old man hahaha! Spoil me smh) or I simply tell someone not to talk to me.

This silence however does not last long, and I DETEST people who after the silence, whether instigated by me or the other party, decide to move on like nothing happened. There is ‘let bygones be bygones’ and then there is ‘while everything is dandy now, this will be a problem in the future’.

These thoughts only apply to people I am close to, anyone else is irrelevant in this conversation. Others I am quite happy pretending they didn’t offend me but putting them very far from me. I will still love them because He says I should, but I won’t like them. Just saying.

I get people are different in how they deal with conflict but I think communicating effectively (‘f*** you’s and ‘whatever’s don’t count) and talking things out is important.

Just my two, or ten, cents.


PS: And then there are people who should just stay out of your life. Get out of that yoke, walk and NEVER look back.

Also just saying.

PPS: Grammar Nazis; have a seat. Thanks.