A journey begins with a single step.
Or a crawl.
For me it’s mostly a crawl.
Like a friend asking you how that book you are gushing about is going. What book was it…? Intimacy with God by Joyce Meyer? Yea that book, how is that going? Well it wasn’t going anywhere because I had paused reading it because I was tired of firefighting, you know, when you are trying to cope with life that ISN’T going your way? Yea.
But you know, like all good friends, in many words they called me an idiot for stopping because if I hadn’t stopped I wouldn’t be so tired. After this statement I resolved to continue with the book, only to open the page where the bookmark sat neglected and read the title topic: ‘Intimacy with God requires commitment.’
Well book! Thanks! Thanks for REMINDING me that I am in this runt because I lack commitment to God!
You know, I am so tired of going to church and participating in life that when the associate pastor described the symptoms to my disease, I was so tired I didn’t get up to go to the front and have myself prayed for. Yea people of Eagle’s Faith (eagle’s have faith? Or do I just don’t want to practice discernment?) Christian Center! That was ME! But God is faithful, things fall perfectly into place even when we are morons in our dealings with life.
*cue dramatic music*
So I quit drinking and it was a good month or more until I had to support my cousins in mourning, and in our clan, we mostly drink when we are in mourning, or happy, or bored, or hakuna lights… we just drink. With purpose. But this one was top priority. So now I am back to a strict no alcohol diet. But you don’t tell mum these things to which the consequence is her going, ‘AMEN!’ when the associate pastor says, ‘ladies, do not be drinkers of wine! Be sober!’ (tell that to Jesus…).
Now mother NEVER says amen out loud because she is Mama Conservative so trust you me, those around picked up on the fact that I am [was] a drinker of wine. And other substance.
Back on track
And that has been me. Basically. Working to be at rest, whatever this rest looks like.
And telling God, ‘I don’t love you, I don’t feel like pursing you, I don’t really feel like anything right now, but because following my feelings would be stupidity of epic proportions, I will chase after You, in a crawl. Then a walk, then a run, then a full marathon, and then, You will know I desire intimacy with You. Because I do, there just isn’t, like a large percentage of Christians, a lot of bothering.’
So fellow crawlers, let’s do this!!!