Not so jolly good season

If you are like me, and I really hope you aren’t, Christmas this year felt like any other day of the year just with a lot more people in church and venues we’d like to hang out in.

I think it started with the knowledge that technically Christ wasn’t born on the 25th of December and wondering why the church, even with this error, were holding concerts with carols and plays and such like nativities.

With this knowledge you’d think I’d bother to find out the exact date Christ was born and make that my Christmas. No such thing. But at the end of it all, and I realized this too late, it’s more important to understand the significance of the coming of Christ than it is to be politically correct.

Thanking God for this revelation thanks to the video I’ve posted below, what I am taking away with me this Christmas season is that I have a family in Christianity and no matter how flawed this family is, they are still mine and I am theirs. Maybe this, in the coming year will help me be more tolerant, and eventually, loving of this extended family. Maybe I will come to see the guy who impregnated a lady in church but continued to preach at the pulpit as that uncle that everyone rolls their eyes at. But you still show love because they are family, right?

Yes, shots fired.

What’s your Christmas lesson? Share on the comments section below!



PS: The Spirit does such amazing work showing you your stupidity. As I was firing shots I forgot the reason why no one can fire shots at me is because my sins don’t birth babies. I need the same grace and love extended to Brother Nani (translated to Brother Who) for I am just as much of a problem in the family of Christ as he is.

*goes off to ponder on own self as suggested by Pastor George*

As 2015 draws to a close, let us take time to reflect upon our lives. It takes honesty to truly assess oneself,…

Posted by Eagle's Faith Christian Centre on Sunday, December 27, 2015



And the crowd went Sh!

You know how Christians are told, ‘Go yee into the world and spread the gospel’? Apart from our wealthy pastors, seemingly broke priests and teachers of the word, not enough people are keen to take this up.

In my life, it is difficult to because I have a mother who, though normally quite in church, goes, ‘AMEN!’ when the pastors says that daughters should be not drinkers of wine. Then there is an aunt who goes, ‘if you want to go to hell drink alcohol.’ And there I was thinking, ‘Hoooneeyyy! You were once a heavy drinker. What am I missing?’ Some people shouldn’t be evangelist though I admire people like Joyce Meyer who says that she used to leading bible study while smoking cigarettes in her early years of ministry.

I digress a bit. I find it hard to talk to my cousins (I hang out with them a lot) about Christ and His goodness and how precious it is to have a personal relationship with Him is when we are at the counter taking shots. I have done some pretty dumb things under heavy influence, granted, but I believe in moderation, that way you don’t wake up with a heavy cloud of guilt and shame over what you did the previous night.

I have quit alcohol, severally. It was mainly followed by episodes of utter stupidity or mum passing out judgement. Most recently it was due to what I thought was the voice of God! It was so real hadi I was sure I would be struck dead if I took a sip of alcohol. And then everything else I thought God had spoken to me about went on a tangent. So I am back to drinking and humbly accept the title that non-Christians love to give us- delusional.

My list of sins are endless and here I really invite you to roam about, only leave out drugs because that’s a road I never took, not even cannabis. These things weigh me down because I think, ‘If I clean up my act and get into ministry, whatever that looks like, then someone decides to blackmail me and finally expose my dirt to all, then what?’ This has been the main cause to my creative block.

But after having a conversation with a good friend, she helped me realized and understand the meaning of God being our strength in our weakness. If God can use me in this state then who am I to say no? Is it scary? YES! Am I a mess? YES and a big one!

So while a lot of Christians have chosen to Sh! about Christ and their walk with Him because they are waiting to attain some form of perfection before sharing Christ, I choose to step out, flaws and all, just to let you know this one thing: it really is okay not to be okay. Heck, it’s normal!

Our sins and failures keep us quiet but I hope that as I begin this uncensored journey with you, you may come to accept your current state and work with God- or whatever higher power or self you subscribe to- and be transformed for the better.

I am in no way endorsing bad behaviour; I am just speaking of the reality that exists even in the church that no one cares to talk about or just plainly condemns the person and not the act. I am on a mission to grow and transform, to be like Christ, and I hope this blog shows that journey.




Nataka toa

I want to offload what’s burderning my heart.

I have been talking to a couple of my friends about starting a blog whereby I write my real thoughts autonomously and uncensored which just makes me a hypocrite for owning this blog in the first place, no?

That said, this train of thought has made me wonder… Kwani how bad are these thoughts hadi I have to hide from the general public behide ‘unknown’?!

We are all this layer of thickness certain people know versions of and I want to be me in whatever light shines on me. I want my boss, father, pastor and ex lover to see me in the same light; a real and mosty likely a less messed up version of you on a journey to achieving the best version of myself. A human being trying to make you comfortable with the worst versions of you and celebrate the goodness in you.

I want to be that chick. But writing about the me I want to be won’t make me me, will it?


The problem with Christianity

… is you.

‘Oh how dare she go there?’

I have arrived and laying the tarmac on the road, so walk with me, won’t you?

But first, I have some ground rules. As a Christian, stop holding up non-Christians to the same standard as yourself (God forbid you self-righteous hypocrite!) or even the Bible. When God gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments He did not come to your ancestors and beat them up with it for not obeying. That was a covenant between Him and Israel, so stop forcing your covenant with God on others, it is rude and uncouth. *stops to take notes* Yes I am speaking to myself as well.

In the same breath, same way Ugandans in Uganda don’t give Kenyans in Kenya hell for not following their laws is the same way non-Christians- whatever religion or category of people you fall under- should operate when it comes to Christianity. You focus on yourself and attaining the best version of you that you can be. Leave every Christian you’ve labelled a hypocrite to perish you their folly.

Let’s proceed.

I have a friend whom I am walking through a similar though different journey with. Let me explain. The lesson is the same but the experiences are different, that’s what I mean. Anyway, and it has been quite often been that, apart from when I journal, by talking with her, truths that lie in my spirit are birthed by my words. I use ‘my’ here to equate to ‘vessel’ because let’s face it, I am not that smart.

We have always known this at the back of our minds that Christians are the problem with Christianity because we know God is perfect and holy. But why, many ask, are a majority of Christians so freaking messed up? I will speak of myself. From a young age I have been telling myself that I want to be best friends with  Jesus and have said it periodically in the latter years as I try to make my walk with God work. Tried I have but oh my goodness I am so very messed up. It is unbelievable. Quite literally last week I had given up on the idea of a God (this made one Michael very happy, if only for a second) when I realized, ‘Oh, wait. I speak in tongues. Dang it.’

So picture yourself walking toward an oasis in a desert and then go, ‘This is a mirage! I am going back!’ then realizing that then inhabitants of the oasis sent you a personal invite with a gift of the sweetest water you ever tasted in a bottle branded ‘The Oasis’. The bottle, though nearly empty, is still in your hand.

Try get the point I am going for instead of poking holes into my narration. 😛

So, why are we the problem with Christianity?

Everyone has a different opinion on this, whether solicited or not, and being a blogger WordPress automatically wants to know mine 😀

Do let me know what your thoughts are though, I am not Jesus so this is not the bottom line, I only speak of what I know.

We are the problem because WE work out our Christianity instead of, with the Holy Spirit, work out our Christianity. We are already told that apart from God you can do nothing so why are we even trying to be a Christian when the concept of the Holy Spirit is so foreign to us. Jesus said if He doesn’t check out of earth the Holy Spirit will not be able to come. Therefore, the Spirit’s entry into the earth must have been pretty damn important for Jesus to say, ‘Waaaiiit ffoooorrr itttt!’ and The Spirit to make such a dramatic entry with tongues of fire on people’s heads and people who know one or two tongues picking up another and be fluent at it in a matter of seconds.

For me this has been my problem. I have been picking up messages left, right and centre about what being a good Christian entails but have been unable to adopt it because same way Peter couldn’t walk on water without Christ’s power is the same way I have been sinking into the sea of sin. So because doing me cannot and will never work in Christianity, I am choosing to work with the Spirit.

But that means tuning in to be able to hear His guidance. That’s a whole other lesson and blog post.

Off I go! I think the cake is burning. Yes, insomnia has me baking at 2am in the morning.




PS: the comments section is for you.