“I swear it’s not a crush!”


Disclaimer: Today is one of those days where I have a to-do-list longer than most people’s sense of humor so I’ve decided to blog. My boss or other boss where I volunteer might think me incompetent- Don’t you have pending things to do?!- but this ‘me’ time is curved out the ‘lunch time’ allocated by HR that I will not be having because we sometimes work and eat at the same time. And today is one of those sometimes-es.

Wah! Death to grammar on this post. DEATH!!! XD

Moving on… this might get me heat from the man my dad thinks will bring him cows (and my little brother a Vitz) but hey, let’s all keep an open mind.

I’ve always understood crush to equal romantic but I thank Wiki How for telling me that there are different types. Yes people, all good pieces begin with good(ish) research. As it turns out, even the Urban dictionary agreed with me: “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.”

stalkerThese people, like Alaine, you will sing thinks like ‘let’s make love, I can see you want a baby so let’s make one’ [paraphrased]. I know this song because I spent 2 and a half hours getting to town yesterday and that sort of music was playing. In short, a crush makes you crazy, shy, giddy, giggly, stupid, pathetic, stalker-psycho, annoyed, killer-the works.

But thank heavens for the truth!

So romantic crushes can either be an infatuation that sets sail to What The Hell Land once the ‘r’ and ‘l’ challenge becomes real. Or it could be that you really like him or her and end up saying things like, “I don’t wanna have babies but I could have yours if you want.” Yes people, I have said that to a man once.

Daddy, if you read this, let’s NOT talk about this later. Thanks.

This post is not about that type of crush but one that I’ve come across recently, thrice. I’d like to call it the mature version of knowing your place in life! The below aptly explains what I mean.

people I crush on

So what I have is a friendly crush.

“OMG Maureen, those don’t exist!”

To all those who say that to people like me, there is a special place for you in hell and the devil is currently roasting the pieces of wood he’ll use on you.

You are those people that make people like me second guess themselves and end up doing schupid things because we think we actually like said person. To prove that we don’t like said person, we will change, and when we change, suddenly you use the evidence against us like, ‘See! Look, you are even doing this differently!’

And this marks the death of any hopes of a friendship because said person will be like, ‘Yo! They’s creepy!’ and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!

So, you, before you wreck friendships, here’s a few things you need to understand.

1) I will not call this frush (friendship crush) to randomly say ‘heeyyyyy’ and add smiley faces after that. I am sure they will come to mind when I bump into them or when they communicate or if I need something.

2) If I start hanging out with them, it probably just means they are good company. No one cries ‘incest!’ when you hang out with your favorite cousin from the other gender. Yes, I went there.

3) Don’t ask me how Xy is doing. I don’t know. Would you like his number so that you can ask? But last time he was functioning fine. Not unless he has a cancer or an aneurism waiting to take him out that he didn’t tell me about.

“But wait, it could be a passing crush, a passing romantic crush!”

*Stays still to feel relevant organs*

Nope.

“Why has this blog post seem so angry Maureen?”

No idea. I think the denial of my work load ended halfway through the post *wails* or I am just the angry human being you all think I am (refer to first line).

Final word from Wiki How

“The Outgoing Reaction: Do you suddenly feel the urge to tease your potential crush? When he/she is around, do you get the sudden urge to talk a lot because you want his/her attention? These are all symptoms of a crush as well. Just make sure that you don’t make your crush uncomfortable if you act this way–try not to tease him/her too much or he/she might not want to hang out with you.”

#finished XD

 

Cheers guys.

 

How to sabotage your destiny

Yes, she just got all deep and spiritual people! But again, these are just my experiences. I feel the need to clarify this every other time for all y’all who think I’m forcing my views on you. 😛

I have been listening to Daniel Taylor Elevation Church messages title ‘Small Tweaks, Giant Peaks’ for the second time and first of all apologies to everyone I have talked rubbish to. It won’t stop after this post but it will eventually dwindle to nonexistence.

On the topic about friendships, Taylor talks about surrounding yourself with people who root for you in terms of purpose and vision. I remember a friend of mine telling me that he wanted to start a tour company that arranges 3 plus day tours to places within Kenya with activities including camping, bike rides etc. and my initial thought was, ‘That can’t work!’ because people will be breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack for carnivorous animals in game parks. I know he’s a smart guy so I proceeded to ask 21 questions and after he’d explained himself, I found myself telling him I wasn’t poking holes at his plan, I just wanted to understand more.

Me: Hi.

You: Hi.

Me: My name is Maureen and I am a dream killer.

Of course I will say that it was not intentional and I wanted to get the logic behind the idea but at the end of the day it came off wrong. Even worse because it was on chat and those never quite correctly depict one’s tone. Suffice to say he went quite after my monologue, only to forward me a funny pick a few weeks later. I think he opened our chat and went, ‘Ah fudge, forgot she’s a dream stabber. So much for good friends..’

I am sure you have someone like me in your life, yes?

I am also sure that you are someone like me in someone else’s life, yes?

My grand point here is not ‘Stop that!’ but rather, don’t birth a vision too soon because it will die. I say this because if he’d hit me with facts and list of findings I would have cheered him on, I wouldn’t have been so skeptical.

Note: I was still an ass.

I have dreams and visions that have refused to come off the soles of my feet. How did they get there? People close to me hit them off my mind and hands, and like salt that’s lost its taste, I threw them out into the street only to be found by my feet.

Enter Joseph and Moses. These guys spoke or acted too soon. One told his brothers they’d bow down to him; the other thought his people would think he’s their saviour. The first got sold into slavery, the second killed a slave master in a bid to assert his saviour-ship over the slaves (his people) only to be spited by the very people he wanted to save.

‘But wait Maureen, it worked out in the end, didn’t it?’

Sure, one found himself in prison at some point of his ascension for doing nothing wrong and the other got a serious downgrade from prince to a shepherd.

My point is, don’t go telling everyone how you know what your purpose is and how important it is and how you’ll change lives. It makes you, like Joseph and Moses, arrogant and generally of questionable character. God will still work in and through you despite your mistakes but it’s taken me 6 jobless months doing chores like it pays to realize that, despite all these dreams I have:

  1. Those who ‘died before their time’ had big dreams too. Tomorrow is never guaranteed and am I special in that I am more justified to live on.
  2. God is in the mundane, the normal, the boring. All these build a foundation that allow your purpose to stand, without it you can’t achieve it. As they say, the devil is in the detail 😀
  3. Why do I want all these dreams to come to pass anyway? To make my name or God’s name known? God doesn’t endorse things that don’t bring him glory. That’s why Solomon kept saying, ‘It is vanity! It is chasing wind!’ because he went on and did his thing.

So before you blurt out you dreams to people around you first look at the root of your drive. It may be God breathed just as it was with our biblical brothers, but how are you going about achieving that dream?

Ponder.

Cheers!

Mboch Chronicles

I don’t call house helps mboch but prefer to use it as one of my many functions in my parents’ household whereby the activity itself is known as ‘mboching’. To my pudding and non-Kenyan friends, this is the act of doing chores, mainly those on a grand scale.

I had been out of work for six months, none of which I regret or feel bad about now, and  three months in, mother dearest fired the house help. This was the beginning of my undoing.

Me:        (storms into the living room) Mum! Get a house help! Ask God for grace if you have to but just get one! I am tired of this!

Mum:    (glances at me and reverts attention back to telly)

The first month it was so intense that I’d get tips from the head of the house. He’d find me ironing and go, ‘But I left you ironing about four hours ago!’ Of course I can ‘tsay I’d taken several breaks. Pity points people, pity points.

Screenshot_2016-05-04-11-13-24

In the second month my mum’s last born sister came to live with us and her fire made me wanna quench it with a fire hose. I am glad she eased the burden and all but yoooo! I come from a family of legendary sleepers. Please do not wake up at 8am and do dishes for 1.5 hrs. We who wake up at 11am, having slept at 4am look very lazy. And we are not, we just have unique sleeping patterns. But to be fair she styled up, from time to time she’ll get a morning errand or ailment (though real, aki they are many!) and leave me to work. Which is fair given that from Thursday to Sunday I tend to be quite useless or MIA in that household.

‘But you are a woman, it is your role-‘  *spits on your face*

Who was feeding Adam before Eve was created? Who tended the Garden? Who looked after the affairs of the creatures? Who cleaned up after Adam??? Nonsense.

We are called ‘helpers’ in the bible, not MBOCHES. So pris, let’s not do this gender rubbish thing about what women should and men should not do.

Now that we’ve cleared that… I realize I have no grand point on this post. No even that this was a humbling period and that I can make a grand wife. None of that…

 

Cheers.