‘You are too put together for your age.’

Here, come now, let us reason together.

‘You are too put together for your age.’


This was said to my mid-twenties girlfriend by a thirty-something year old man.


This will be an angry rant. I really should not sleep anything less than 6 hours. I turn into such a little monster!

So now, what does this even mean? ‘…too put together for your age’. This is not the first time I’ve heard this line said to me or my friends. Yet you are the same men who sit down and have a conference about how chick x is loose and chick y drinks and parties too much and how chick z is ratchet. How you can’t deal with the drama chick a brings and how b can never be wife material and how you pity your pal for marrying chick c.


If you tilt your head to the right, squint and hop from foot to foot… THEN maybe one may see it as a complement but I take great offence. You expect me to be a certain way but are surprised enough to complement me when I am? Reminds me of a ‘Pretty for a black girl’ campaign that went on sometime back… I have searched online but couldn’t find it, but it was there. Cool video and all.

Anyway- this statement is an oxymoron of sorts, like a female in their mid-twenties cannot be put together. Cannot have an idea of what they want and live true to it. Cannot have an opinion about THEIR life and how they view it, all charted by their experiences, environment- the works. And most of all, cannot be messy, because god-forbid she has flaws. ‘Flawlessness’ is for the 30 somethings so… live a little.

*Exhales deeply*

So now that we are too put together for our age, ati now it means that we are uptight and need to loosen up.


I can’t continue beyond this. I’m too tired… WHO HURT YOU?



Ama you are just stupid?

As I type this post with one hand I would like to give a shout out to all messed up spiritual leaders who get over themselves and their messy lives to deliver a message to an equally messed up congregation. That’s to you Paula White, even you might never get to see this.

For you rolling your eyes, you may still want to run over that one teacher that made your life a living hell, but let’s excuse you for actually learning something from them. 😛

Moving on…

Life is about constant growth, and no, this is not prompted by a supposed nervous breakdown brought about by going under during a pinky finger surgery – that hand specialist does have a dramatic flare about him- and seeing  a chunk of your flesh in clear fluid at the bottom of a jar… no. And yes, I just had to slide that one in. 😀

This one came about from noticing different strains of mess in my life. There’s daddy issues (that’s my favorite because men have for a very long time thrown it at us. I’ve made a game out of it called, “ER! Wrong! You are just annoying!”), there’s sins from the past, there’s ‘blame it on everyone but yourself’ syndrome et al.

What has come to my attention however is the ‘stupidity strain’.

For a person who reflects  a lot I tend, from time to time, finding myself saying a prayer like, ‘God show me the root cause of this sin/problem/pain’ blah. Sometimes it’s legit and God will respond in whatever manner- scripture, a friend, a poorly written article… (ha!) but what I have been getting this time is, ‘Chick,on this one, you are just stupid.’

I invite you to drink from this bitter cup with me!!

How many times have you gotten yourself in such a drawn out mess, simply, to the core, stripped down, minus the ‘but, but’ etc. because you were just stupid?

My left hand is very tired. Someone better get something out of this! Haha! 😀


Cheers people.

‘By the way… I can’t.’

I could be absolutely wrong but I think this statement marks the height of shiba-ration or simply having had it.

I have been saying that a lot and not sure where I picked it up from.. *throws a jab at ‘you know yourself’*

Now, whether you can or you can’t is an entirely different story, so let’s focus on one’s state of mind when the words are uttered.

A beloved cousin asked me to write a colorful piece to help set off the Picasso in him and honestly speaking, I can’t! My creative story well ran dry (or my subconscious sealed the top to teach me a lesson in honing my craft) so when such pressure is put on me… Cousin, I love you but that one allow me to pray for you, and hope an apple- or the debris from the renovations in Flavas- hits your head and sets off an explosive idea for your art.

What else?

Walking up to an argument.

I can’t.

A friend who named you as their #WCW going off on a holiday and not telling you.

I can’t. (but feelings have been caught and cuddled)

That guy who thinks that ‘no’ has 50 shades.

I can’t.

That relative who would perfectly fit into a naija movie if teleported to a set?

I can’t.

This blog post?

I can’t either.

Can’t-ing is a normal and necessary process in life because there is only so much one can handle at any given moment. Breakdowns aren’t sexy or pleasant so learning to let go of bits and pieces is, in my view, the right course of action. You can of course pick things up once you can 😀

On a totally unrelated note, the path to self-discovery and self-actualization, again, in my opinion (that’s why you are here reading this, no?) begins with not only accepting but understanding the depth of your rottenness, or, if you are better than me, simply understanding that you are not as good a person as you think you are.

Totally helps with removing the adjective ‘hypocrite’ of people’s lists!


Tata my friends!