Allowing yourself to be ‘beaten’

Because God is all about whooping some goodness into you. We say ‘Our Father’ so there is no reason why this analogy should not fit.

As usually, I will talk about myself; your turn comes at the end of this post in the comments section. This need not be a monologue.

Yesterday as I was stapling this and that seething and harboring feelings of betrayal, the song, ‘This is my commandment that you love one another, that your joy may be whole.’ Now, who remembers this hymn from Baby Class?? As Portia said, those hymns are a ticking time bomb. Who knew that 20 some years later I’d sing them in my mind only to realized- you will be a nasty bitter lady if you don’t love these people you are currently throwing daggers at.

You understand how stupid not letting go of those negative emotions would be, yes? That would be me giving my joy its last rites.

See that’s the thing about Papa, He is not about validating your feelings of ‘The Great Injustices’ that people around you have committed against you! He’s about, ‘Ehe, and how does that make you feel? Hmmm… And what does My Word say?’ Like I mean, He is gentle for the most part, but He will give you a choice, cultivate love, joy, peace, patience… etc. or just morph a bitter old hag. And no one likes a bitter old hag. That is why we have that one (or several) relative or church lady that we steer clear of.

What God is also teaching me is about not putting any business on the street, mine or that of people I know. It has gotten so bad I swear people will learn that I got married 5 years ago, 8 years later. As in! Men grasp this concept earlier on in life because they are told to keep all that goo inside- or just pour concrete all over it- but we ladies are all about emotions!

Case in point…

But apart from wanting to become a ‘shamba la mawe’ (a garden of rocks), what this touches most in my life is the need to protect family and the church- FUNNY STORY!!!

So I haven’t been to church in a minute. What- three times this year? I bumped into this chick from church in town once and after small talk I made it sound like I will see her soon. That was I think three/four months ago. THEN yesterday I bump into her on my way out of the office; turns out we work at the same business center! Small talk, small talk, then she goes, “We’ll catch up later… or in church…” and Wambaire in her true fashion fake coughed as she walked away.

Zee Lord is after mee!!

Anyhoo! If a family member is a tool, your close friends don’t need to know this. If they genuinely pray for you, then you can give a summary but still protect the dignity of the said member. If there is a person in church that you know is a quack, don’t go spreading that stuff, take it to the Lord in prayer bwana! Even if some person stands at the front of the church and shares a vision they received and it sounds like a scene from Twilight or Terminator or some random horror movie, if you are asked to give your opinion just say, ‘I dunno… the bible does say this and this… however, I really don’t know!’


You call a friend, sibling, partner or whomever a ‘moron’ then your friend starts a conversation with, ‘How’s that moron of a ___ doing?’ you get offended. Surely.

And people call Christians hypocrites and all sorts of things- and how do they know this if you didn’t open your big mouth? These things you let people find out when it’s too late! XD

I kid.


Shut up and keep peachy.




PS: This blog is about my journey as a Christian- the good and the bad. I just hope someone gets freed from the ‘perfect Christian’ syndrome and just be real with God. I have seen Him do things I never expected or deserved simply because I told Him, ‘NKT! SAWA! FINE! You do You God! You do You!’ 

And yes, that was an actual prayer. 


I am one,are you?


I do not like to write about my inner battles. I feel like I am trying to get self-pity from people who definitely do not help anyone if not make one even feel worse. Despite that, I will share one of the things that bring me down as a person (apart from being short and petite hehehe). I struggle with over thinking. I do it unconsciously and I have been told gazillion times that I should stop it. It’s not easy. It’s a prison that I try to break free from at times. Over thinking is stressful, you carry things in your mind that you are not meant to. It becomes a burden and your mind operates like a processor with many tabs open. You always wonder what people think about you when you do something including breathing *sigh* Are you doing the right thing? Have I dressed well? What…

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Another rant about relationships.

There is something Oprah Winfrey said; if you think he is taking you for a ride, he probably is.

Take away your daddy issues, your insecurities, the fact that your close friend has a bigger rack or butt than you or the light skinned chick in the office is prettier than you, or that other chick has way less mood swings than you do… and so he might like her better than you- TAKE ALL OF THAT WAY! If you think this bloke is not serious about you, he most probably isn’t. Whether or not he wants to be is not the point.

Did I ever tell you guys about the guy who’d say sweet things to me and in my mind I’d just go, ‘OMG. This is a load of crap.’ Turns out I was right…

It’s one thing if what you are having is casual and both parties have discussed the importance of having no expectations but it’s another if you are just tired of dating with no purpose and are actually looking for a decent human being to be with.

Deep… Or is it?

Something TD Jakes said- we are so fixated with the position that we forget the mission. Why are you where you are? Why do you want that thing/person? Why do you have that job? Without getting religious, every human being feels the need to have a purposeful life. It’s awkward when you die and people can’t say what you were on earth for. Even Mwaura will be remembered for his epic muturas, and they’ll say he took his vocation seriously- you??

I digress, but hope I’ve made my point.

You want to be in a relationship and get the perfect (HA!) guy or gal and you know, tie the knot, have some kids, build a life together… why? What for? So that you can fill a ‘void’, reduce your loneliness? Is it something expected of you by society and it’s what’s been fed to you since you were small? Oh I like this next one; ‘because it feels right!’ Right.

If something in your life does not have a mission or purpose, you will end up abusing it.

That’s why we take people and things for granted. I recently realized that I took my high school education in an international school as a ‘by the way’ because I did not understand its purpose. I am very saddened by it because now, looking back, it would have been a great resource and could have opened doors. Tragic I say!

I know I’ve been talking about men who take women for a ride because they don’t know the purpose of the relationship apart from instant gratification, but let me flip the coin. Women are notorious of wanting to be in relationships for the sake of being in one- someone to care for and be cared for, dates, gifts, someone they can share deep mafeelings with and be understood etc. etc. crude men will smell out these desires and use them against you to get what they want. Then you are left there wondering why you have an affinity for jerks hehehe! 😀

Claiming I know the right reasons to get into a relationship and getting married would be very foolish of me seeing as I am not a life expert, but I do invite you to think about.

If you keep getting screwed over, ask yourself why, boys and girls.

Random parting shot, hoping you learn something from it…

I spent the entire Saturday looking like a *puff fish having fallen asleep crying, and spent a better part of the day picking random pieces of tear and mucus stained tissues from the bed, the floor, under the bed, near the shelf hahahaha! Gosh I can be such a drama queen! Add that time of month and a dash of alcohol… Anyway, the fanfare came for the realization that there are people who don’t value me the same way I value them. That’s normal until I recognize the stupidity in it all- I was still putting effort into dead things!

My sweet elder brother said something important to me (I was apparently loud :D) that I need to ‘cut shit from my life’ and in the morning shared with me this quote:

“You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be. “

Elizabeth Alraune

Now let me go have me some boiled maize as I try figure out how my subconscious can conspire with my fingers to type a blog post that could give me such a thorough beat down. In Portia’s words: it is witchcraft!




PS: Mum had bought fries so…