I won’t touch the Lady Gaga’s song or the LGBTQIA connotation that comes with the phrase.
“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.”~ Carl Jung
I have this 12 week ‘course’ I am doing called The Artist’s Way, and a lot of change in me can be blamed on this book. But Maureen, the bible! The author, Julia Cameron, insists that you need to ascribe to a higher power, whomever that may be, for the content to be transformative in your life with regards to creativity. I am on Week 7 now, 3 months later… Let’s just say I take a few days worth of breaks because of how draining exorcism can be.
So today as I was FINALLY getting round to doing the weekly check-in, I read Carl Jung’s quote which made me stop. Literally. My brother told me that confusion is actually the brain trying to figure stuff out (did I bother to Google and comfirm? Nope!) so that made me more curious and want to answer the ‘huh?’.The book has a lot of amazing quotes on most of the pages but this one called for a blog post.
‘I was born this way’, ‘this is who I am’, ‘I can’t help it’ and similar phrases are both overused and abused. For many people it’s an excuse not to change habits they know, or have been told, are damaging to themselves and/or others on a physical, pschological, social, financial, you name it, way. Inner work is hard and not many people embrace it whole heartedly, I mean, show me an alcoholic or smoker that ever had an awesome time weaning themselves off the substances they were addicted to.
More so, whether we admit this type of thinking to ourselves, that we are ‘prisoners’ to whatever limits us, we are essentially calling it fate. The scary thing is some vices are more subtle.
So yesterday, after some water works- can we just pause there for a bit? In this filters era, I won’t promise you this, but I will do my best to make you feel as normal as possible. On these pages, bring your unedited self, it’s home 😜
Back to how I was crying… I remembered thinking to myself, at 26, Wambaire, you want to tell me after all these years you still haven’t figured out how not to get your heart broken? See, I realized that I was being manipulated in a former relationship. I knew I always felt like crap because my past sins were ever being featured, but it didn’t occur to me that being guilt tripped in order to conform to someone’s ideal isn’t cool. Of course I did mess up here and there, I was not saintly. See, this person is not a monster, he probably didn’t have a 12 step plan of how to make me out as Gomer, but I bet you this domain that he’d never admit that’s what it was. But you know, Jesus saves. And I also bet you he’ll tell you ‘she needs help’ if you show him this post! 😂 The number of times I was told that, weh!
On the real though, I got nothing but love for him. I’m not about to catch an ulcer or not have my sins forgiven because I couldn’t forgive.
Upon further examination of myself, I realized I always had a problem accepting attention from people I thought were nice and relatively blemish free. And he is all these things in everyone’s eye- minus my girlfriends-ha! This problem stems from a low self perception. A lot can be blamed on some incidences in my childhood- my best friend always being picked over me by the elder girls in the neigbourhood, a teacher questioning my intelligence, etc. and that’s where that quote holds truth. Because all these things that spoke rejection were not made conscious to me, I thought I was actually fated to be Miss Backseat. Anyone who showed interest in giving me a seat beside them sadly led me to do all this stuff to overcompensate instead of just being myself. I mean, how can someone like him like someone like me!
And so I allowed myself to be treated however.
Tragic I tell you.
But glad I see it now. Coz some people are getting cut out of my life tonight! Even friendships- I’m not a charity case. If you treat me badly, we don’t have to exist in the same space. All in love, again, I’m not about to catch an ulcer or not have my sins forgiven because I couldn’t forgive. For others I just need to say sorry for being bipolar and operating from a panicked place of ‘they love me, they love me not’.
So, Wambaire, now that you truly grasp you are a loveable human being, what now for you? Stay tuned.
Over to you people; were you really ‘born this way’?